Marriage

I went to a wedding in new york this weekend. It was a good time and a beautiful wedding. My friends are a great match for each other, it's refreshing seeing people like that get married because you know they truly are meant to be together and will make this world a better place being so---everyone who knew them kept reiterating how wonderful it was to see two such caring and serving people find each other. You know they will make it through the difficult times.

This is the third wedding I have been to in the last 3 months in which I have looked at the couple and truly believed that they will make it. And I'm a huge pessimist who often looks at weddings as mistakes. I have had family and close friends whom I have from the very beginning thought that this could turn out poorly, and in some cases they already have.

And despite knowing this weekends couple less than the previous two, I am confident they will make it work.

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I love weddings, and I believe in marriage. However, I don't believe in perfect marriage--and I think most would agree that every marriage is difficult. I think the one factor which is most likely to determine a successful marriage is commitment, opposed to love. Love is so important, but love comes and goes, the critical factor is both spouses being completely committed to the service of and well being of the other person. I think a lot of people don't have this ability. No matter how in love they are, or how good of a person they are, they don't have the ability to put the best interest of another before their own for an entire lifetime.

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I don't think a marriage which last a lifetime is necessarily a successful one. Some people will never divorce no matter the situation because they believe so strongly in the sanctity of marriage--whether for religious or other reasons. I admire people who are strong enough to stay married even when the marriage is a bad one, however, I also believe that it is their responsibility to not just remain in their marriage, but to recover the unity and commitment they made to each other.

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This isn't to say that I completely disagree with divorce. I think any marriage can be recovered, but it takes commitment from both parties, and as I said earlier a lot of people just don't have the gifts which are necessary to be successful in marriage. If a marriage is truly unhealthy for either a spouse or others within the relationship (e.g. kids)---then the marriage should end.

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I love marriage, and when I'm old looking back on my life, I think I will be most proud if I had a wife and kids and knew that I did everything possible to serve them. I truly I hope this is the case for me.

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At this point, my most prevalent and best dreams are always centered around being in love. These dreams always contain me in some way expressing my love to the girl in all the little things I do. And until the last year or two, for as long as I can remember, I have desired marriage more than anything.
In a way, I still have this desire. However, my idea of marriage is the picture I have in these dreams---the picture of me serving a girl in every way possible. My desire for marriage is what is contained in these dreams.

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I don't believe I am the same as the Daniel in my dreams. The Daniel in my dreams is strong enough to give everything of himself for the person he loves, he is able to express his love through his words and his actions. I believe that Daniel would be able to serve his girl even when she wasn't there to receive that service. I believe that Daniel would serve that girl to the best of his ability in all his words and action--even if he hadn't met her yet.
And though I am desperate to be like the Daniel that I dream of. I am not him.

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I have realized over the last couple years--as I have watched some of the people I love most in this world enter into a lifelong commitment to one another--many of the qualities which allow me to believe that they will make it, that they have what it takes to make their marriages successful, are qualities that allude me.

I guess I should pray God isn't done developing me.



Precious Lie by Cary Brothers

"You whisper lightly
Your stakes are high
It's all denial
This waking life

So you are my precious lie
I told you I would break your heart

You were so in love
I was so inspired

The stones are thrown
It's all laid bare
My non-stick mind
Was hardly there

So you are my precious lie
I sold you out for one last high"