Just Thinkin

I talked to Paul on Skype for like 90 minutes tonight. Which was cool, but beside the point. We talked about tons of things, but two of which are really weighing on my mind. They are completely separate but are somehow connecting to one another in my head.
We talked about me teaching in Korea for a year, which would be awesome. We also talked about girls a little bit, which should be awesome. So here are some of my (ir)rational thoughts that have resulted:
Korea would be amazing, a new experience, a cultural experience, a maturing experience, and would still allow me to earn/save money. I would spend time with my best friend and meet new people, while helping to teach others. But, I have a job, a good job with a great company and I don't want to loose it, or the opportunity to develop a career with this great company. Yet, I am young, somewhat uncommitted and am in the best situation that I will ever have to experience a different culture. I would be able to go with the comfort of having a friend there to help the transition as well as being able to hang out with him again. Awesome.
But maybe not rational?
Girls drive me crazy. I am interested, I am not interested. I am swearing them off, I am head over heels. I hate the idea of being in a relationship, the stresses, the fights, the fact that I would loose freedom to live life as I choose. On the other hand, it is still built up in my mind that I will be most happy and satisfied when I am committed. I still imagine that perfect girl (Weird Dream.) I think about someone I could love, then I imagine being committed and finding all the faults of her. I am always finding girls faults. If you ask me to describe a girl, most of what I will describe will be her faults. Don't get me wrong, I can love a girls imperfections, but never all of them. I can/have never been happy with a girl. I always find the little thing and then make it bigger. I have been told I am too picky...am I really too picky or am just a commitaphobe. But why would I be scared of commitment, when sometimes it seems like having a girl committed to me and me to her is what I desire most.
Somehow I mix my fear of commitment to my motivation to go to Korea. Am I running from commitment if I go? Am I being irrational thinking I should go? Because I am stuck in a 9-5 job with limited vacation and limited freedom--Tedious day after day work. I also have reservations because I don't want to miss the one perfect situation, the one perfect girl. What if I am in a place where I can meet that one that destroys my barriers and calms my fears. What if I am where I should be and I will mess that up if I leave. These seem to influence one another.

Outside by Staind

"And you, bring me to my knees
Again
All the times,
That I could beg you please-
In vain
All the times
That I felt insecure
For you
And I leave
My burdens at the door

But I'm on the outside
And I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
'Cause inside you're ugly
You're ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you"