Broken Down

It's kinda crazy how quickly God can put you in your place.

The last year or so I have been for the large part ignoring him. Basically never going to church, rarely praying, and pretty much avoiding my Bible. I stopped hanging out with my church friends and have been basically standing unsupported for months. That isn't to say that I lost confidence in Him or anything like that, but just that on a personal level I haven't been focused on Him at all.

To be honest, it hasn't really been hard. I have been happy. For a manic depressive type who is constantly stressed, overwhelmed, terrified, heartbroken, and angry at everything that goes on around me, the last year has been pretty relaxing. Its not that I had become more mature or intelligent about how I addressed difficult situations, but I have learned just to ignore them. Almost trance-like I go about my daily business without any serious level of connection. I experience an emotion one moment and am completely past it and anything relating to it five minutes later. I would think that is pretty unhealthy, but my goodness has it been nice. There hadn't been anything significant enough to break this trance.

There is one thing in my life which I have never been able to ignore: girls. Girls have always had the ability to drive me crazy and tear apart anything comfortable in my life. Fortunately, aside from a few random girls who have come in for a few weeks or months (or night) to occupy my attention, I have been largely girl free for years now. I prefer being girl free, I often feel I don't need them and things are much easier without them. But, you don't get to choose when they come. You don't get to choose anything when it relates to girls.

In the past, whenever a particularly special girl came by to mess with my head, I always had one thing I could depend on when things became tough and that was my relationship with God. As miserable or happy as the girl was able to make me, I always depended on God to keep me on an even keel.

....

I can't finish this post. But you all know where I was going. That support would be nice right now...