Before You Leave

“Before you leave?” she asked, as I turned away;
“Tell me why…why wouldn’t you let me in?
Why couldn’t you open up to me?”

It was a good question, and she wasn’t the first to ask it
it’s a question I still can’t answer.
“Why couldn’t you open up to me?”
Wasn’t that what I was doing?

Wasn’t that what I was doing when I told her about my childhood;
told her about the loneliness, the pain, the fear that overwhelmed me
I cried in her arms and shared till I shook, unnerved,
I told her what I dreamt for; I told her what kept me awake at night
Wasn’t that what she was looking for?

I guess not

Is there some hidden layer which I can’t find?
Sharing everything that belongs in my heart, my mind, my soul…
those parts are easy.
What is it within me that keep all at arm’s length?

Is there some hidden moment I can’t remember?
A fear of a time, in a different place in a different world…
you weren’t there.
Were you the one I needed, the one chance I had?
God, I hope not.